Ingredients: Scorpions 蝎子, Blood Loaf 血液麵包, Noodles 麵條, Duck 鴨, Turtle 龜, Larvae 幼蟲, Stinky Tofu 臭豆腐, Toad 蟾蜍, Rice 水稻
SIDE EFFECTS OF THIS PRODUCT MAY INCLUDE SLEEP DEPRIVATION, SQUAT TOILET USAGE, AND RAPID WEIGHT LOSS.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Photographic Evidence

Day One in Paradise: 


The view from our hostel


The night ended with a BANG!
I kind of have a thing for a colored door...
Trippers Carpe Diem - Our hostel

The view from the side of our hostel

The death traps... err I mean, bikes and a restroom at our hostel

West Street - Check out the mountain!
































































































































































































































Day Two:


Entrance to Butterfly Spring Park

The caves inside the mountain

It just wouldn't be China without the stairs

The view from Butterfly Spring

We were wondering where the butterflies were at...

Oh wait, there's ONE!


Death bridge























More EFFING stairs... to Moon Hill

We made it to the top with our lovely "guides!"

Floating in our mud bath

Do you think we are dirty?

Pre-mud

Moon Hill from the bottom





Day Three:

Hey! I am in a kayak!




Opening of the Impressions Light Show





















Day Four:

Chef C and Chef T

My pork stuffed veggies!

Stir-fried eggplant- Yangshuo style

Cashew chicken, bok choy, and beer fish!

Me and my new cursing, drinking, European friend





























































































Day Five:

View from the front of our bamboo raft


Why did the chicken cross the road?

Deathcycles.

Commorant fishing- pretty cool.

See... a squatter in a room of concrete. I did not tell a lie.
















































































































































Day Six:

Village on the rice terraces

Kids playing

I call this a durkeyicken... or just dinner would suffice.

The rice terraces. Is this even real life?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Yangshuo Days 6 and 7

Our last 24 hours in Yangshuo were mostly spent sitting on our still semi-sore bums on a bus. We traveled through Yangshuo, passed Guilin (the “big city”), and over many, many mountains until we made it to the Dragon’s Backbone Rice Terraces. The drive out was about three hours long. We had a pit stop in a small village at the bottom of the mountain called The Longhair Village. Because everything in China is a sales-pitch, you had to pay extra money to actually enter the village so Theresa and I decided to skip the ladies with the crazy long hair and we sat around while we waited for the rest of our tour group to finish. While waiting we ate a local delicacy, bamboo rice. It was sticky rice with pork and peanuts cooked inside of a bamboo shoot. It was actually pretty yummy. We even fed some to a local (possibly stray) dog who was in need of some TLC. There was another scary, death bridge. This one was far lower to the ground but was much more wobbly. There was a sign saying no more than 15 people on at once and absolutely no shaking. Well, of course not everyone followed the rule as at one point I think 60 people may have been crossing the bridge while one man was jumping at the end making everyone grip the railing to keep from falling over. After a little more than an hour of waiting, we changed buses and began the drive up, up, up the mountain. My ears were popping the whole time, so much so that I thought I would never regain full usage of them. The view from the top was amazing. The mountains were lush and full, with swaying trees, terraced fields, and green all around. Theresa and I decided not to hike up the seven million stairs that China placed perfectly to the top of the village. Instead we had a delicious lunch, did some shopping, and viewed the picturesque scenery from the foot of the village. After a couple of hours we were back on our bus and eventually (about four hours later) back in Yangshuo.

The traffic back in town was horrific. Our bus decided to just stop in the road and let us off instead of making it to the bus station. Theresa and I hustled to West Street to meet an old friend of ours from Wuhan. Yes, Candy came to Guilin on vacation at the same time as us and she had spent the day in Yangshuo while we were touring the terraces. We met her and her friend, Tina, for some pizza and conversation. It was so awesome seeing our friend and former coworker. I have missed her so much! At around 10 pm we took our final walk through the deep, dark woods and finished the night off in our hostel room with a good sleep.

We woke up nice and early this morning for our Tai Qi lesson on the roof. Ping, our instructor, was awesome. He had us laughing while we stretched our limbs and sliced our watermelons. We learned a three-step routine and a very small amount of Kung Fu. Ping said when I punch his hand that he, “Felt it hurt.” Tai Qi was so soothing and was an excellent way to spend our final morning in paradise. After our work out we ate some breakfast, laid down for a few minutes in bed, showered, and are currently packing up to head to the airport and back home to Beijing. Yangshuo was a much needed break from city-living and I have pretty much loved every moment of being here.

Mandarin lesson:
Bāshì 巴士 (bus)

Yangshuo Day 5

I must admit that this day pretty much began as my least favorite day in paradise. I mean, you know, if there are bad days in paradise. First up on our agenda was a bamboo rafting tour on the Li River. A woman came to meet us at our hostel to show us where the raft port was so that we would not get lost on the way… while we rode our… bicycles. I knew it was bad news bears as soon as God decided to create a rainstorm while we were getting our bikes out for the trip. We had to wait for the rain to let up before we each climbed aboard a bike and began following our lady on her motorbike. I quickly realized that the phrase, “It’s like riding a bicycle,” is not exactly true. I am pretty sure the last time I rode a bike I was maybe 13 and that’s pushing it. Yes, I remember when popping wheelies was the cool thing to do and riding with no hands for the longest made you a champion and races downhill into on-coming traffic was simply the usual. However, apparently if it has been longer than a decade since summer-lovin on your two-wheeler, well, it’s not exactly easy. I was weebling and wobbling all over the road. Every time a car, bike, pedestrian, or leaf passed by me I thought I may fall over. I gripped my handlebars with all my might and prayed that I make it to our destination. As soon as I realized we would be pedaling straight through the thick of the city I had to stop to admit to the driver that, “Wo bu zhidao to ride a bike.” She quickly called a man (I think maybe she called the bamboo raft driver) and I spoke to him for a minute. I told him that I did not know how to ride a bike and he assured me that I did. Well, thanks for knowing best I guess. So we continued on. When I say we rode through the thick of the city… I mean it. There were horns honking, chickens crossing, people shoving, babies wailing, the whole freaking she-bang. Oh, and this is a city with no traffic lights, stop signs, and very few crosswalks. Yes, basically I knew death was imminent for me. This is it I thought (more than once). My life flashed before my eyes as I trembled my way through the herds of people trying not to fall over. When we made it to our final turn across a road so busy I would not feel comfortable throwing a paper airplane across, I thought it would be best for me to walk my bicycle to the end. And so I did. When we finally made it to our bamboo raft I let out a sigh of relief and settled onto the raft with a life-jacket and, unfortunately, my bike in tow. On board our “bamboo” (actually made mostly out of painted PVC pipes) raft was myself, Theresa, our semi-English speaking driver, and the driver’s young son. The four of us headed out onto the open sea river. The guide pointed out a few things to us along the way but we mostly sat quietly while we took in the beauty of our surroundings. Even though the landscape was stunning, I still had something lurking eerily in the back of my mind. Oh shit. I have to bicycle back home from here. I kept hoping the ride would not take as long as it did. That maybe we could just go a few minutes and then call it a day. Instead we made it a pretty decent way into the Liugong Village. Oh great, we are not even in the same town anymore. Wonderful. We shook hands with our driver and carried our bikes up a few hundred stairs where we met a nice lady at her restaurant/home. She helped us park and lock up our bikes and we ordered some lunch. While waiting for our food we explored the village for a few minutes. The village was basically a bunch of dilapidated buildings and pathways. We saw many-a chickens crossing the road. Why you may ask? Well, to get to the other side, of course. After exploring we went back to eat our hen hao chi (delicious food) and use the restroom. Even though the bathroom smelled of roses and elderberries it was a squatter surrounded by just a room of concrete and located in a creep-tastic basement. Thank goodness I did not see any spiders. This was certainly a place for them to hide. After lunch we unlocked our bikes, were pointed in the direction of Yangshuo, and hopped on to our lovely seats while we rode through the countryside of China. The ride through the village and into Yangshuo was long but unbelievably beautiful (just like everything else here). We noticed a sign when leaving the Liugong Village stating that Yangshuo was 16 kilometers away. So we rode at least that far on our bikes and really a few more kilometers back to our hostel from town. This time riding the bike felt a bit more familiar (since I wasn’t riding through China’s rush hour) and I was able to regain some feeling in my hands as I loosened my grip on the handlebars. I had to take a few short breaks when my legs started to cramp up from riding uphill or when my bum started to feel like bruising was going to be a permanent state of being. However, I actually enjoyed the ride and the scenery. This time when we got to the middle of the city we walked with our bikes. We walked them pretty much until we were on our rode “home.” I was pretty happy to return my bicycle at the end of the trip but I was also left feeling like I would like to start riding more often. Surely your butt gets used to the pain after awhile? When we got back to the room, Theresa went out to use the computer and watch some TV and I took a small nap. Afterwards we ate dinner and then watched a movie on the TV in the common room. We decided on Coraline because neither of us had seen it. Well, let me just tell you, if you are a parent with snotty kids you need to sit them down and make them see this movie. It was quite possibly the scariest kid’s movie ever. It will  make children appreciate their parents soooo much more. After being sufficiently freaked out we came down to our rooms and called it a night. We had to get up early for the adventure that awaited us today.

Mandarin lesson:
Zìxíngchē 自行车 (bicycle)

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Yangshuo Day 4

And on the seventh fourth day they rested. We started day four off right by having two masseuses come to our room. Theresa got a facial and an oil massage and I just went with a traditional Chinese massage. The traditional massage includes a lot of rubbing, smacking, and even a little knocking and pulling. T and I shared our one bed while both ladies climbed up and worked the kinks out of us. It was definitely strange but it still felt pretty nice. I had wished my lady would focus more on my arms and hands because they were hurting pretty badly after kayaking, but she seemed to spend an unreal amount of time on my lower back and butt… I also learned through this experience that my calves are ticklish. Really, who has ticklish calves?

After our massages we walked into town to meet with our tour guide/instructor. Instructor of what you may ask. Well, T and I took a Chinese cooking class yesterday and it was absolutely delightful. It started off with a tour of the local market. Erica, our instructor, told us about how they typically cook the different produce items and she had a little fun quizzing us on ginger, lotus root, and some other fruits. We waited in the middle of the market for Erica and some of the other members of the group to tour the meat section of the market. I was pretty interested in seeing the meat, but we decided against it when we were told about the live shaved dogs and cats that were for sale. We did see a lady with a chicken tied by its feet dangling from the handlebars of her bike. I figured that was enough of the meat market and I would really rather not see cats and dogs being sold for supper.

We caught a bus with our guide and the rest of the group (there were about 10 of us from all over the world there together) and drove out to BFE for our class. I had the pleasure of choosing to stand next to a man with quite the funny attitude. He had already been drinking beer when we arrived and I even caught him sneaking a few sips from the airplane bottles he had stored in his pockets. After he was playing with his gas stove top without being told to I decided I should ask him if I would be safe standing so close to him. We ended up having a few laughs together and even sharing a few ingredients. Sometimes I would have too much black pepper so I would pepper his food and vice versa.

I have pretty much never cooked one successful meal outside of a grilled cheese or tacos, but yesterday I cooked five. Even I am impressed with myself. Our first dish we prepared was pork stuffed veggies and meatballs. We stuffed a mushroom, tofu, and eggplant and then made two pork meatballs and we set those things in a steamer while we cooked some other dishes. Meal two was stir-fried eggplant Yangshuo style and it was quite possibly the most delicious vegetable of all time. I could have eaten five plates of just that. After the eggplant, we stir-fried some bok choy with garlic and started on our beer fish. We used catfish with the beer and cooked it up in a wok with tomatoes, green peppers, and red peppers. I was not (and have never been) a fan of peppers of any kind and today was not any different. However, I have also never ever ever liked tomato and I gobbled mine right up! Our fifth dish was a stir-fried cashew chicken entrée. This was my second favorite from the evening. Overall, the food was quite delectable. I cannot believe I was actually able to cook any of these things. I cannot wait for good internet so I can upload the pictures from the day. You will be shocked by my skills in the kitchen! Theresa and I will be making the Yangshuo eggplants again very soon for sure.

We chatted with our cooking classmates while we enjoyed our delicious meal and then it was back to town for a little shopping on West Street. We bought some cinnamon donuts for dessert and called it a night. The only way “home” was back through the dark path of death but it proved to be a little less scary the second time around. It also did not seem to be quite as dark as our first night had been.

The day of rest was fun while it lasted but alas, after today I am back to being in an immense amount of pain and feeling like my extremities may just fall off with one more movement.

Mandarin lesson:
Chúshī 厨师 (cook) Fùzé rén 负责人 (chef) Shípǐn 食品 (food)